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Desperate times calls for desperate measures...

Journal Entry: Wed Jul 2, 2014, 12:20 AM


Alright so...

I’m not being kicked out exactly, but I definitely cannot continue to stay here with my mom much longer. I’ve been wanting to go about it all the smartest way I can and not jump the gun with moving out, but I’ve been putting up with this garbage with my family (mostly my mom) for too long and I physically, mentally, and emotionally cannot stand it anymore.

I have to stay in Southern California to still have my doctors and dentist appointments I still need to do this summer before heading back to Colorado to be with Zuka again (I left suddenly before last Christmas Eve b/c of this same problem and stayed there in Colorado with Zuka and her folks for 5 months but I had been sick and was getting worse and had to go back home to my primary doctor, but also still needed my stuff to fully move out. I can’t just leave on a whim again this time like that).

I’m still trying to figure things out and I’m so stressed and anxious for the future and I don’t know what to do but I don’t want to have to be tied down to my mom anymore. I don’t want her to have that advantage over me anymore even though I can’t fully support myself yet. I need to be settled in before I can get an actual steady income somewhere. I’ve been doing freelance and commissions (which I’m still trying to keep up but being around my family like this makes it hard to get any work done at all, plus I need to be packing). I just can’t keep up with this anymore and I’ve been doing all I can on my own to try and keep my head over water but I feel like I’m drowning and I’m finally calling out for help.

I currently don’t have a car or even a permit or know how to drive (and don’t know if I physically can because of my how my OCD causes bad twitching)…. I feel pretty helpless in everything and I just… I don’t know what else to say or do at this point honestly…

I hope to get away from here and reuinted with Zuka as soon as possible so we can continue working on our stories and projects but also just be happy again in general… And Zuka says that she’ll help with the money but her own family has issues to take care of too… In the meantime may need to stay somewhere else aside from home before I can do that. Jumping to another state is a big move and I may not be able to do that right away but I can’t really stay here either. It’s a really difficult situation.

I’ve been trying to save with my commissions previously so that I can move out, but it’s been a very slow process and it hasn’t been enough. All the money has been going to my savings.

My goal was to reach $4,000 at the very least (and I was a few hundreds away so far) to have at least some support moving out if need be for a few months, but any more would be greatly appreciated. There’s just so many finances and crap that can come up you never know what a secure set amount is…

Any help at all would be greatly appreciated, guys.

I’m raising a flag up for help but I’m not giving up yet.

You can donate on my main blog here.



Livestreaming whatever (offline)

Journal Entry: Mon Jun 23, 2014, 5:21 PM


I haven't really drawn for myself in a while so I guess I'll try streaming

I dunno where it’ll go honestly… a few things have come to mind. We’ll see where it goes I guess.

Come on by!

www.livestream.com/bonka_chan?…



livestream (offline)

Journal Entry: Mon Jun 16, 2014, 10:18 AM


Alrighty I'm gonna try streaming again here...

Pretty work focused this time though we’ve been talking about a big project we want to get together for our Paperman Project that will actually have other people involved and all that and I’m excited about that… We want to have an animation done for it finally but we’re still at early stages and working things out.

For now I’m just working on commission again but then maybe I might try to arrange some storyboard type stuff for that other thing…

Either way, can come on by~

www.livestream.com/bonka_chan?…



Livestreaming (online!)

Journal Entry: Sun Jun 15, 2014, 12:02 AM


I guess I'll just get back to work then.

Streaming commissions again. Working on the giant Sycamore comic and that other Once-ler commission. Both I’m coloring rn since most of it’s drawn out already at least… Maybe I can even finish them if I really work at it.

Come on by for a chat and all that~

www.livestream.com/bonka_chan?…



Well. I'm gonna try doing a free stream now!

Journal Entry: Sat Jun 14, 2014, 9:04 AM


Offline now...

Probably just for an hour or so though. I should sleep soon. But I just wanna try drawing something for me or whatever after working for 5 hours. :P (plus I need to let my food settle before sleeping)

Also I can’t say which direction things may go so watch out for any weird things just a warning haha…

www.livestream.com/bonka_chan?…



Livestreaming (offline)

Journal Entry: Thu Jun 12, 2014, 5:19 AM


It's kind of late/early but I guess I'll stream

Try to work on commission stuff again I suppose. Let’s see where it goes… god I just want to finish these already but backgrounds hiiiiisssss

Anything else that might come up just beware I guess…

www.livestream.com/bonka_chan?…



Livestream (offline)

Journal Entry: Sat May 24, 2014, 11:13 AM


I don't know what I'm gonna draw but I'm gonna draw somethin'

My day to do whatever so I'll probably jump around a lot.

www.livestream.com/bonka_chan?…

I feeneeshed the booklet commission! 8V

Journal Entry: Fri May 23, 2014, 11:53 PM


For the most part. I’m calling it done I guess. Though I should probably check over some last bits tomorrow to double check… but yes. It was 15 pages and I can actually post them whenever I get around to that. Had permission so...

Can finally move back onto my previous commissions I had to put off for a bit… Got 2 more left with those before I can open for new ones again (which I’ll be excited to see the next batch!)

But more importantly-

I’m gonna draw whatever the fuck I want tomorrow and no one can stop me.



Livestreaming (offline)

Journal Entry: Tue May 20, 2014, 3:42 PM


K guess I'll get back to work again

Continuing the booklet commission. I’m getting closer… 3 pages out of 15 left to clean up now

www.livestream.com/bonka_chan?…



Livestreaming (offline)

Journal Entry: Mon May 19, 2014, 1:02 PM


*Siiiiiiiiigh* Anyway.... I was needing to get some work done..

www.livestream.com/bonka_chan?…

I’m gonna be streaming that booklet commission again. It’s been a rough start to the day with all that art theft shit so hopefully things go better from here on.



You know... I've actually been pretty sick

Journal Entry: Fri May 16, 2014, 2:47 PM


For a while now. Like months. Since last fall or so.

(Also wow this is an actual journal update on here that isn't a livestream???)


So yeah, I've had a lot of stuff going on that I haven't talked much about. Hard to sum it up. So here's a sort of list

-One of the things I've mentioned before is that I want to pitch a Paperman full length movie to Disney that we've been working on since the short came out in theaters. We've put a lot of heart and effort into it on our free time and it's really just a labor of love. Still working things out with that but it's been my main directive lately and I can't post pretty much any of it yet b/c we're still working out copyright issues and all that though we're working on it, so I haven't been posting as much (but believe me there's a ton of art I've been doing). But I do share it in my livestreams if anyone is interested in seeing it more (that's the only place where I really can share more openly).

-Other thing is I've actually been away from home since Christmas Eve and have been with my friend, Zuka, and her folks due to family issues at home but am not technically moved out yet. Though I should be getting on that soon and going back this month and all that... I do plan on moving out and living with Zuka in Colorado for at least the rest of the year to get our lives together and figure things out.

-I've been trying to save up for moving out by doing commissions and such and that's been going pretty ok for now. I've failed at commissions before or they were short-lived but I'm at least doing a lot better this time and I'm at least proud of that and keeping myself disciplined. After illustrating a children's book and having that published, I learned a bit on how that works (oh yeah I did that too a few months back if I forgot to mention).

-Lastly, from where I started at the beginning, I've been pretty sick. And it's been a chronic thing. Been having stomach and digestive issues and all that and recently had to go to the ER even though I'm not in my original state but the doctors still haven't figured things out but they're assuming it's ulcers of some kind. I'm still convinced it also could be gallbladder problems though (esp. since that runs in my family on both sides). Either way, I've been suffering a lot and it's to the point where literally everything I eat can make me sick. Doesn't matter if it's good for me or not ( I tend to stay away from unhealthy food anyway), but I live in constant fear of being sick with every meal and it's not fun. I'm currently on some meds for it but it still comes up (I mean just yesterday I actually threw up twice though I haven't thrown up in an actual decade b/c I hate it so much but apparently I just couldn't not do it this time, which doesn't feel like a good sign).

Either way, I really need to go back for an endoscopy procedure, where they go in with a camera to see your stomach, just to really check what's going on b/c something is obviously up and I'm suffering a lot for it. I will need to head home again for that b/c I have to see my primary doctor just to get the stupid referral and he's back in So Cal and doing it here is just gonna be a hassle. Either way it's an unnecessary hassle and dumb.

I'm just... really hoping everything works out... with all those things mentioned. I've been going through some rough times as you can see and good thoughts and prayers would be appreciated.

So yeah just an update in general on what's all up.

K I'm gonna stream! (offline)

Journal Entry: Sat May 3, 2014, 8:18 PM


I'm sick but more commission stuff! Let’s hope the internet doesn’t crap out a ton or something

www.livestream.com/bonka_chan?…



Livestream (offline)

Journal Entry: Fri May 2, 2014, 4:05 PM


Anyway, I'm gonna get started on these commissions then.

(Try and make myself feel like I’m doing something productive with my life…)

Come on by

www.livestream.com/bonka_chan?…



Livestreaming commission and stuff

Journal Entry: Wed Apr 30, 2014, 4:50 PM


Finishing up a Once-ler one with colors and whatnot.

www.livestream.com/bonka_chan?…

(hopefully the internet behaves)

Well. In the meantime I'm gonna stream!

Journal Entry: Fri Apr 25, 2014, 1:02 PM


Working on the next batch of commissions!

Come on by for chatting and viewing~

www.livestream.com/bonka_chan?…



Commissions!! (open!)

Journal Entry: Wed Apr 23, 2014, 12:45 PM


bonkalore.tumblr.com/post/8364…

Well, for some reason I thought I had more or maybe it's just some people that still haven't gotten back to me...

But either way it's first come first serve!

If there's anyone that can jump on paying for one at this time this is your chance!~

K I'm gonna stream (offline)

Journal Entry: Thu Apr 10, 2014, 11:20 PM


I was working on commission and still might be but I also feel I will jump around a bit to whatever. Tangled 2 and Candy House has been on the mind lately though so those will probably come up.

www.livestream.com/bonka_chan?…



livestreaming (offline)

Journal Entry: Tue Apr 8, 2014, 7:35 PM


I'm gonna work on my Paperman Project posters and character sheets

Possibly some other things too but… mostly wanting to get Paperman things together now. Was working on the writing earlier so gonna draw some for now.

www.livestream.com/bonka_chan?…



Eeeyy I'm gonna stream. (offline)

Journal Entry: Sun Mar 30, 2014, 2:22 AM


Actually I think I’m gonna be drawing the clock and notepad from "Don't Hug Me I'm Scared" too sooo… *cough*Ishipit*cough*

www.livestream.com/bonka_chan?…



Drawing again (offline)

Journal Entry: Sun Mar 23, 2014, 10:17 PM


Working on a commission but will probably do other things too.

www.livestream.com/bonka_chan?…